Look At Me
by Hayashi Yuuki
Summary: 8059 YAOI. Gokudera confesses, and it turned out exactly to be what he expected. What he didn't expect, though, was the heartbreak that came with loving that idiot.
1. Chapter 1

Love was an unusual thing. Sort of like a phenomenon. You feel it at the strangest of times. And it can do the strangest of things to people. It can change a once fiery storm to a somewhat calming one - not that a storm can ever be totally calm - a storm that when one looks at it, it leaves the person mesmerized.

Gokudera sighed for the nth time that day. Ever since that unorthodox confession he made to that STUPID baseball IDIOT(He was buzzed! Drunk! There was NO WAY in hell he would say such an embarrassing thing willingly! And Juudaime asked him to! He ignored the little voice in his head that Tsuna only advised him to do so for his own good), Yamamoto has been avoiding him like the plague. Mind you, not that he actually minded.

.

.

.

.

.

Okay, maybe it hurt a little. A teeny, weeny bit.

How ironic was it that the one who urged him to go confess was the one the baseball idiot had the hots for? Not to mention it was confirmed during his confession. Sometimes, Gokudera wished his boss wasn't so dense as to not notice the obviously adoring looks Yamamoto sent his way. Not that he was demeaning or insulting Tsuna, of course, he was still his beloved Juudaime. However, one would think that being a mafia boss would remove some of that innocence. Not that he disliked it, it was actually a trait of Juudaime that he adored, never getting tainted by the dark world and always remaining pure…

ARGH! He was contradicting himself now! He really needed to snap out of it!

Hey… but if Juudaime noticed that he was actually in love with Yamamoto, didn't it mean he wasn't dense? After all he didn't even realise it himself until Tsuna pointed out the obvious hints of affection from him to Yamamoto… Maybe Juudaime was only dense when such matters concern himself?

Okay, seriously, stop it.

He really didn't want to think about it anymore.

_Not to mentions it really hurts, like his chest was being crushed under multiple boulders…_

Takeshi ruffled his hair in frustration, a rare show of anger. He couldn't concentrate on his paperwork! Tsuna was counting on him to complete these! He couldn't disappoint him! Not now!

But he could remember every single detail of that night, of Tsuna's 24th birthday party. The distinct crushed look in Gokudera's emerald eyes, one that he tried to hide, quite successfully actually. But some emotion unknowingly slipped out, and he had felt so _guilty_. If that crushed look was just a sliver, imagine what Gokudera had truly felt. Yet, he had just brushed it off with an irritated manner, like how he always does.

**FLASHBACK : **

_The night was dark, but the silver and shape of the person's hair enabled Takeshi to confirm that it was indeed Gokudera. As Gokudera stepped closer to Takeshi, the light that shone in from the party held in the mansion through the balcony doors lit up his delicate and pale features. For some reason, Gokudera wouldn't meet his eyes. Feeling confused, Takeshi gave his trademark smile._

"_Haha! Yo, Hayato! You called for me?"_

_Gokudera averted his jade eyes to the ground, muttering something along the lines about this being for Juudaime. Takeshi felt his eyebrows furrow in confusion. Tsuna? How can calling him out to the balcony, away from said person's birthday party be beneficial for Tsuna? _

_Gokudera then looked up, eye twitching and face dusted a light pink, breaking his train of thought._

"_J..Just so you know, it is for the Tenth that I'm doing this!"_

_He looked to the side, shuffling his feet nervously, hands clenched into fists._

"_Fuck.. this is hard." He cursed under his breath._

_Takeshi was completely bewildered at this moment. What could be so difficult to say that it was actually making Gokudera nervous? _

_Gokudera then spoke up, in one breath. "Ilikeyoubutdon'tgetitwrongthisain'tgonnachangeany thingabouthowyou'restillanidiot"_

_Takeshi stared._

_Gokudera stared back, his cheeks flaming._

_Takeshi blinked a few times, before breaking into a wide smile, laughter following. "Oops! Didn't catch that! Could you repeat it? And slowly this time?"_

_Silence._

_Gokudera seethed. "I am going to so wipe out that stupid grin on your face." Whipping out his dynamites, he spoke up once more. "You want me to repeat that embarrassing line?" Imaginary smoke was gushing out of the silver-haired man's ears._

"_Haha, sorry Hayato! You spoke too fast for me to catch what you were saying!"_

"_YOU DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION!?" Gokudera roared, completely ignoring the fact that he indeed, had spoken too fast for anybody but himself to understand what he was saying. He lit the fuses of the dynamites he had on hand, preparing to throw it at the bane of his existence._

"_MY FIRST REAL, FUCKING __CONFESSION__ AND YOU DIDN'T CATCH IT!? HUH!?" He snarled, flinging the bombs in the direction of the dark-haired man._

_Said dark-haired boy came to a sudden halt in the midst of dodging the 'fireworks', as he dubbed it._

'_Confession? First one at that?' were the thoughts running through his head._

_Gokudera, upon seeing Yamamoto's frozen stance and expression, ceased his attack on the man._

"_What?" He snarled. "Got anything wrong with it?"_

_Yamamoto robotically turned his head to the direction of Gokudera, a not-quite-smile painted on his face. "Uhh… no. Just that…"_

_He turned his full body towards the silver-haired man. Blinking rapidly, he questioned, "A confession?"_

_Gokudera blushed a shade of red previously not seen on Earth('I'm not an UMA!'). "Y.. Yeah. Got a problem with it?"_

_The black-haired man scratched the back of head awkwardly. "Err…no. Is just that.. I'm not good-looking or anything, so why would you like me?"_

_Hayato looked at him disbelievingly. "We've known each other for a decade now, and you still think I'm that type of person?"_

_Takeshi bit his lip. "True…" He averted his hazel eyes, unwilling to meet Hayato's emerald ones. He then spoke up hurriedly. "But –"_

_He was cut off by Gokudera. "I know. You don't have to trouble yourself to say it."_

_Hayato took out a cigarette and lighted it, taking in a whiff of nicotine before exhaling it out. He looked into the brown eyes of the man opposite him, unflinching._

"_I know you don't feel the same way." He scoffed. "In fact, I even know that you're in love with Juudaime. Not that you deserve such a honourable person like him" He added on darkly._

_Takeshi's eyes widened at his secret being said out loud. "Wha—" He exclaimed, before being cut off again._

"_Please." Hayato rolled his eyes. "It's so obvious, at least to me."_

"_How—"_

"_With those sickeningly loving gazes you shoot him when you thought he wasn't looking."_

"_When—"_

"_About two years ago, give or take."_

_Takeshi grew silent. 'That's the entire durationin which I was in love with Tsuna …'_

"_Then…about when you started, you know, liking me?" He inquired quietly._

_Hayato threw a cigarette butt onto the ground and stamped it out, lighting another one._

"_Eight years." He replied. (Yes, it took Tsuna that long to convince him.)_

"_When—"_

"_Byakuran." Hayato cut off yet again._

"_Oh."_

_Hayato rolled his eyes. "Get back into the party, idiot."_

"_Wha—?"_

"_Juudaime must have noticed our absence by now."_

_Takeshi's eyes lit up, just a little, but it didn't go unnoticed by the bomber._

"_Okay. And what about you?" He looked towards the bomber warily._

"_I wanna finish smoking."_

_As Takeshi went back into the ballroom to re-join Tsuna, he didn't see the tears streaming down Hayato's face, and the shaking of his shoulders, as he broke down for the very first time._

**FLASHBACK END.**

Takeshi still liked Tsuna, there was no doubt about that, but pity began to well up in his heart for the emerald-eyed right-hand man of his love interest. Was he feeling the way he felt whenever he saw Tsuna with Hibari, a couple obviously in love? Somewhere in his heart, he wanted to give Hayato a chance, and move on from Tsuna, but he couldn't. He just couldn't let go. And he didn't want to let anybody take the place of the beautiful brunette who took up the first place in his heart.

With a sigh, he continued working on the stacks of paperwork waiting for him to complete them.

**Uhh, hey people! This is my first yaoi fic, be gentle with me! This story will most likely be a seriously multi-chaptered, and somewhat angsty fic. Reviews are well accepted, same goes for constructive criticism. And PLEASE I need tips to improve my writing. This story is like…mediocre at best as compared to other romance fics I have read… I'm kinda disappointed…**

**Please do drop a review! Oh and if you have any other pairings and story ideas you would like me to write, please state some in the reviews. I'll dedicate them to you, if I can manage to write it out! Thanks!**

**Love,**

**Yuuki.**


	2. Chapter 2

Hayato gritted his teeth in irritation as the baseball idiot avoided him yet again. What, is he scared of him or something? Or is he so repulsed about the confession that he actually had to run away? This situation was getting annoying, and it sure isn't helping him with his more-than-unhappy emotions right now.

He ran after the dark-haired idiot, not willing to let him slip through his fingers yet again. He had an extremely long lecture ready for that baseball maniac about his behaviour nowadays. Heck, Juudaime was starting to suspect something bad had happened on _that _night, and if he found out, being the kind boss he is, he would no doubt blame himself for telling his right-hand man to come clean with his feelings. He did NOT want his precious leader to be worried about him, and Hayato was sure as hell that Takeshi would agree with him on this fact. That guy was in love with Tsuna after all.

Takeshi began walking as fast as he could when he heard Hayato calling out his name. He could tell that the bomber's irritation had risen to dangerous levels, yet he didn't think he could face him so soon after his confession to him, one that he rejected.

He froze when a hand decorated with rings, with the Vongola Storm Ring telling him that it _was_ Hayato, clapped him hard on his broad shoulder. He resisted his inner urges to run far, far away and turned around to face the enraged dynamite-user with a strained grin upon his features.

"Y..Yo G-Gokudera! What's up?"

Hayato arched a silver eyebrow at the use of his last name, his face a mask of confusion before settling into resigned understanding.

"Baseball Idiot, if you think that puny confession was going to change anything between us as cause trouble for Juudaime and the Famiglia, you're _dead wrong_."

"H-Heh?" Takeshi let out in a stupor, shocked that Hayato was demeaning his first confession in such a manner.

Hayato rolled his eyes in exasperation, a motion he realised he was doing too many times in the past few days.

"Juudaime is starting to get concerned with your odd behaviour, moron. Don't worry him. You're a fail as a person supposedly in love with him, ignoramus." He scoffed, jade eyes sceptical.

Takeshi's hazel orbs widened, and maybe, just maybe, lightened up a shade with a little hope and happiness. "Tsuna's worried? About me?"

"Yeah, yeah. Oi." Hayato called out as Takeshi began to turn away from him. Holding out his hand, he looked at the baseballer expectantly. Seeing the mask of confusion forming on the other's face, he sighed at the other's slowness.

"We remain as friends. Same attitude, no acting different around me. Got it?"

Takeshi grinned as he grabbed the outstretched hand.

"Got it."

As he was about to release Hayato's hand so as to run back to complete his duties, he was perplexed when the bomber didn't release the limb. He was about to open his mouth to ask what was wrong when he felt a pair of lips press against his. He froze, his mind barely registering the fact that Gokudera was kissing him. As fast as it happened, the pressure on his mouth disappeared as Hayato abruptly turned away and sprinted towards a random direction, leaving the baseball player slightly disoriented.

When he came to his senses, though, the silver-haired man was nowhere to be seen.

****LINE BREAK****

Hayato ran his long fingers through his slightly mussed silver hair as he sat on the grass, staring into the sparkling water of the river. He let out a sigh, slapping his hand to his face at his stupidity.

"Why did I do that? It was only going to make things more awkward…"

But he couldn't resist, Hayato mused. If he wasn't not able to have the idiot, he would content himself with a simple press of the lips.

He would be satisfied.

A wry smile made its way to his weary face, as he stroked his lips memorising the feel and pressure of Takeshi's lips against his. He may never get a chance like this ever again.

Well, he sure was turning into a pathetic sentimental.

"Friends, huh?" Hayato lay back onto the grass, staring at the azure sky filled with fluffy white clouds. Hibari and Tsuna. The couple of ultimate pain to Takeshi. But he couldn't help but feel relief that those two were together, and Takeshi would never have a chance with Tsuna. That thought, though, was immediately squashed by overwhelming guilt.

Will he allow himself a moment to just mourn after his unrequited love like a hapless sap? Would he allow himself to do this one thing solely for himself, just once? Could he even vent his frustration upon Tsuna, the reason for his depression?

Try as he might, he couldn't.

He couldn't hate that face, the wide brown eyes staring innocently at him and lips upturned in a warm smile. He just can't. Summon up an inkling of anger, and it disappears the next second.

Sighing, Hayato curled into himself, and let himself get lost in his fantasies of a returned love and a somewhat happy relationship.

Just for today.

****LINE BREAK****

Takeshi frowned. That had been his first kiss and he really didn't appreciate Hayato taking it away from him without him expressing his permission.

Oh well. It wasn't like Tsuna was going to do him the honour of taking it anyways. If the silver-haired bomber needed it, he really couldn't blame him. It was his fault anyways, for hurting him. If Hayato needed closure or help, he'd do his best to help him.

'Move on, Gokudera. From me.'

Man, he can't even use his first name now in his thoughts. Well, he was sure he would get over it. Somehow. Someday.

As Takeshi sat in his father's restaurant, looking out of the slightly fogged glass with rain pelting against it, he spotted the figure of his boss and the Vongola Cloud Guardian sharing an umbrella. His jaw dropped.

The lonesome cloud, sharing an umbrella?

Well, the natural charisma of Tsuna was nothing to joke about.

As a pang of dull pain hit his already broken heart, he wondered just what Hayato didn't have that Tsuna did to led him to rejecting the bomber.

He didn't know the answer, and in the months and years to come, he would find that really, there was no answer.

****LINE BREAK****

"Ne, Kyoya ~~" Tsuna whined to his raven-haired companion.

A grunt of irritation slipped past the pale lips of the skylark. Knowing that that meant the Cloud was listening, Tsuna grinned happily. However, the grin slipped almost immediately.

"Kyoya…" Tsuna looked through the clear material of the umbrella they were sharing into the grey skies above. "I'm worried about them."

"Hn."

Eyebrows furrowed, Tsuna said solemnly. "They aren't happy. And when they aren't…I can't bring myself to be. I just can't." He let a sigh slip through his lips. "They're stubborn. We've to help them fix this…" He looked over to Hibari.

Hibari just closed his calculating, cold grey eyes and reached out a calloused hand, allowing the clear raindrops to land on his open palm.

Tsuna smiled, knowing a plan was formulating itself in the calculative mind of the once prefect.

The grey eyes that Tsuna loved flashed opened once again and darted to his form.

"Just so you know, Tsunayoshi, I'm only doing this for you. And the peace of the Famiglia and Namimori. I'm not interested in hearing herbivorous wailings and snifflings."

Tsuna's brown eyes softened, silently conveying a message of gratitude.

_After all, without the storm, rain cannot exist._

_And without the rain, it is not a storm._

_One cannot exist without the other._

**~END~**

**Oho! Finished!**

**As thanks to the first two who reviewed on my first chapter, please suggest a pairing and a prompt as a filler arc for me to write in this story!**

**I'll try to update during the weekends as much as possible, please do drop by reviews and advice on how to improve my story!**

**Special Thanks To :**

**EashaChan; FallenxLinkin; XxSilenceOfTheNightXx; theluckyshipper; Runa Luna; kashaminami.**

**EashaChan : Thanks a lot for the compliment! Please do continue supporting me!**

**FallenXLinkin : Yoroshiku onegaishimasu! Watashiwa kandou dekanjimashita! Hontoni arigatou gozaimasu!(I'm really touched by your review! Please do continue reviewing! Love ya!)**

**Love,**

**Yuuki**


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